I'm Being Me

I don't wanna cheat, but my activities today is only at home even though I go to my grandparents house but, I still called it my home. I feel that home is my paradise. I think people will have a same think that home is like paradise. So, today I just open my browser and search some information, maybe? I don't know but, I just read my book. Oh I mean maybe old book because I read it again and again but it still doesn't get enough.

Rarely, I think what I wanna do is close to me, I can reach it. I can go to my future faster than I can think. That's true. What I wanna be is real for now, I'm blessed and happy. Then, writing is just to fulfill my empty time. No, in the old days I love writing so much because that's my world. But now, I don't know why I just like to sing and interpret myself in music. So, what? What's wrong?

Maybe I have a new habit that I didn't like but little, I learn to love what I'm doing. Sometimes I just think to make a decision of myself to be me. But I found myself as a young girl that didn't know what is love (I mean universal love that we get outta family), what is future with love because maybe I'm just thinking about myself. That was me as a young girl with a kid mental that I wanted to be alone.

Now, I'm little bit adult to think about love. But I still don't get it and I don't know why, was it as a kid mental? Ahh, life is just a stopover. We just hitchhike to drink for our provision of afterlife. I wanted to be alone but sometimes I need someone to shed my lament. Was I ready? Am I ready now? I don't think so.. Is it as a retaliation of my kid mental in the past? Or just I need to be alone with myself to think about this?

I can't tell to much what I'm feeling right now. Sometime I feel like I restrain myself too much, but that's me. I'm just being me that can't tell all what I'm feeling, what's in my opinion because my brain is wild. So I just talk necessary as what it needs to. I'm not me if I tell too much. Even I wanna tell but my brain said, that's no need. As I do to some talks with my friend, sometimes I think that's too much and be chagrined.

I'm not type of people that like to tell too much like this but, I feel this is what I wanna say right now. Uh yeah, I feel like I found myself again when I read my old text in this blog, or in my official blog (I know I'm not filling it again because I don't know what to say, maybe someday I will continuing with my amazing story). Hahaha.. Am I changed a lot? I don't know but I think, I changed a lot.

I go from taciturn to brisk. So, why? I laugh a lot in the past, but I smile more now. That's me. I used to be quiet but I smiled to myself at not important moment a lot, as I smile when I got problem. But that's fun. I have a new spirit because of smile. I don't know why but I'm not trying to lie.. Believe me. When you smile, all of the problem is easy.